A Saturday unfolds in Mexico, a hot and dry morning...there has been no water for 3 days now....yesterday the muchachos at the water plant up the road said...."Manana" the universal answer for the question, "cuando??"..."when??". I have found that people here hate to say "No"...hate to disappoint..and will almost always tell you what they believe you want to hear....regardless of it's connection to what may actually occur.
A friend and I were having a conversation about my desire to return to theUnited states...my frustration at not possessing enough $$$ or an alternative so that I could leave PRONTO.
<< My thought is that you are saying, "once I am back in the states, then I will be happy with my life." And Abe would say, "first you have to be happy where you are, then you can move to the next wonderful place." >>
Okay now my thoughts about this are as follows.....Actually... I am really happy. I am incredibly happy with my talent, my choice of career...calling and feel immense joy that I am able to manifest and live my beingness 24 hours a day......that I am my work and my work is me. I am joyful that everything I do is a manifestation of my creativity and that it bubbles up like a spring in my artwork, in my writing, in gardening, in cooking , in my passion for life. I love my husband and our marriage, I love the people I have attracted into my life.... I am extremely happy with my life...I just would like it to be in another setting.
It seems very peculiar to me that one shouldn't have an opinion about where they would like to live.....that if one is an avid reader and loves everything about books and loves bookstores that if they pretend that they aren't shooting enormous "rockets of desire" towards living in a place where there are many wonderful and well stocked bookstores well that just seems silly to me.
I completely "own" that living in Morelia served a purpose and it truly served me well and I truly believe I am in alignment that where I am now would be unlikely if I hadn't followed the seemingly impulsive and "illogical" path that led me here......however I do not love that there are no bookstores here.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with tiny limes with many seeds but I am very thrilled that I will be living in a place where one can easily buy bright yellow, fragrant lemons which I love which are unheard of here.
It is quite picturesque to see burros laden and piled high with burlap bags (costales) filled with "dirt".....actually bone dry ground wood chips, leaves, pinecones etc with a small amount of pale brown dry soil ...going around the neighborhood with a man on a horse.......selling the bags AND I am hugely looking forward to being able to purchase large bags of potting soil or even ordering truckloads of it.....with the texture of crumbled chocolate cake, moist and deep, dark brown that my plants would love and thrive in, where worms would burrow and tunnel......I suppose I could SAY I adore cactus that thrive in barren soil and neglect and scarce rainfall......but I miss flowers and rain and seeds germinating and thriving and growing.
I know that it is an extreme comparison......but that is like saying a person in a prison camp could only expect freedom when they "chose to love" incarceration. So.......I do feel better when I don't dwell constantly on why I don't choose to live in Mexico any longer.....what makes me feel wonderful is to think of my new home with plenty of safe, drinkable water, a climate where gentle rains fall and the sun does not scorch tender seedlings that grow in rich, dark soil. I thrill to think of going to a large, well stocked bookstore where there are myriad books in English on every subject and on the way home I can stop at a super market where I can purchase lemons and tender, young spinach and organic produce and different varieties of things and free range chickens and good olive oil.
One decides what things are for them and what things are not for them............and shoots off rockets of desire towards the things that please them. I remember reading some "Abe' quote about not accepting "Reality" if "Reality" is not what pleases you. That's where I'm at......."reality" here is the taco stand with corn tortillas filled with "borego" barbecued sheep meat and chopped raw onions and chiles. I choose to think instead of fresh Italian bread, toasted and drizzled with fruity green olive oil and piled with tender baby arugula leaves and ripe tomatoes and fresh basil and a slice of fresh white mozzarella.
It's those small details that I am fine tuning, that I am desiring now. I have never been so totally and completely crystal clear about exactly what I am desiring.......it IS , all of it, the absolute next logical step and I am ecstatic about that. So...that is good and I can't imagine that I should pretend that I Love to eat sheep.